Gertie, the female gorilla who is among the hottest attractions at the North Carolina Zoo, became quite agitated one morning. She started ripping trees apart in her "natural habitat" and leaping and roaring at the zoo's guests. After two days of the behavior, a team of doctors from the NC State Veterinary School was rushed in for a complete examination.

Their conclusion: Gertie was horny.

Frantic, the zookeeper called Zoo Atlanta in search of a studly Silverback to help cure Gertie's ills. No luck. He called Riverbanks Zoo in South Carolina. Still no mates that could be sent off to the old north state. He called every major zoo in the country, finding no help whatsoever.

Just then, Bubba, the maintenance man, walked into the zookeeper's office. Bubba passed 350 when he was 14 years old and hadn't stopped growing. The zookeeper got an idea.

"Bubba," he asked, "would you satisfy Gertie for five hundred dollars?"

"Five hundred dollars!" exclaimed Bubba. "I'll have to think about that over the weekend."

Come Monday morning, Bubba walked into the zookeeper's office. "I will satisfy Gertie under three conditions. First, it has to be dark outside. Second, me 'n Gertie have to be alone." Bubba paused to think, as he often did.

"And your third condition?" asked the zookeeper.

"My last condition is that we wait 'til Thursday. It's gonna take at least three days for me to raise five hundred dollars."