My visit to Wal-Mart

I have a Golden Retriever and was buying a large bag of Purina dog food and was standing in the queue at the till.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because
I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid dame..........why else would I buy dog food??
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That's one of the funniest things I've ever read

(minus the 'stupid dame' part )

quote:

Si seulement j'aurais pu dire au revoir. Vous êtes manqué dans plus de façons alors l'un pourrait s'imaginer. Je vous manque, maiku...~

A little correction Missblues.

Si seulement j'aurais pu vous dire au revoir. Vous nous manquez de plus d'une façon que l'un ne pourrait se l'imaginer. Vous me manquez, Maiku...
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Thank you very much, Mozart....I've been trying to use the french/english online translator to get the cobwebs out, but I just couldn't seem to get it right. lol ((((hugs)))) Thanks

Okay...think I fixed it that time

quote:

Originally posted by Mozart56:
My visit to Wal-Mart

I have a Golden Retriever and was buying a large bag of Purina dog food and was standing in the queue at the till.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because
I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid dame..........why else would I buy dog food??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ROFLMAO

That's funny! Love it!

I have had so many times where I really wanted to respond sarcastically like that to people.

Many, many times, customers have inquired about my missing left hand. Sometimes I answer, sometimes I do not. When I do not, most usually pick up the clue that I do not desire to talk about that right now, because I am either too busy or not in the mood. however, several have also persisted on asking, thinking I did not hear them. For one customer, the conversation went like this:

"Excuse me, but what happened to your hand?"
(No response.)
"What happened to your arm?"
(again, no response.)
"How did you lose your arm?"
(still, no response.)
"Could I ask you a question?"
(My response, "Yes.")
"What happened to your hand?"

My final response: "I went hunting with Cheney."


Other more amusing conversations I have been in:

Customer: "I shop here far too much."
Me: "I'd stop shopping here if I were you, otherwise they might do to you what they did to me."
Customer: "What? What did they do to you?"
Me: "Well, the first time they told me, 'GO HOME.' But I came back. Then they did some other things to me. I returned again. They threatened to call the cops, telling me that I was illegally loitering, when I was really following people around, making funny noises. I'd come in here, and do all those things on the "Top 10 Things To Do In Wal-Mart," laugh, and then run off. Finally, they told me to go into the back. It was there that they did the unthinkable. They put me to work."
Customer: "You little hooligan. I'm glad they put you to work."
Me: "Yeah, I am too. Those straps didn't taste very good anyways, and the men in white were rather rude."

You have a dry sense of humour Kael..I think you would do very well in the UK

Here's another idiot customer joke, I recieved it from the UK, where they are very fond about making jokes about the intelligence of the Irish:

"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman, walking up to
the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"

"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?"
demanded the Irishman indignantly.

"Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot
dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?"

"Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would
Ya? Would Ya?"

The assistant said: "Well, no."

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman steps it up a
gear.

"And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was French?"

"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.
So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says: "Well, all
right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish
sausages?"

The assistant replied: "Because you're in f***ing HomeDepot"

quote:

Originally posted by dance girl:
You have a dry sense of humour Kael..I think you would do very well in the UK

LOL, ty. Loved the joke, too.